Sheila Flaherty
Enlighten, inspire and empower others for the greater good.
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My “Tagged” Writers for The Next Big Thing

March 20, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts No Comments

I would like to introduce my three “tagged” writers for The Next Big Thing.  Please check out their posts! (I was only supposed to tag two writers, but it was too hard to narrow down. And I’ve never been known to play entirely by the rules.)

Melissa Heisler

Melissa is an excellent professional life coach.

Mark Rader

Mark is a Ragdale buddy, writer friend, and mystical connection.

Jason Sarna

Jason is a writing-group buddy, friend, and one of the funniest writers I know.

My own The Next Big Thing post can be found here.


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What Shrinks Know (#7): Perspective Brings Peace—and More Questions!

March 15, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know No Comments

My Perfect 50s Family

Father… Mother…

Always you wrestle inside me.

Always you will.

~Tree of Life

It’s never ending—the long Chicago winter, the bleakness of March—the questions we have about our parents.  For me, this week was bookended with melancholy.  Monday March 11, would have been my mother’s 93rd birthday, and today, March 15, would have been my parents’ 70th anniversary.  (Beware the Ides of March!)  Every year, I have my own personal “March Madness” as I contemplate these powerful dates and the people and events they evoke.

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The Next Big Thing

March 13, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 2 Comments

Many thanks to my dear friend and poet, Beth Feldman Brandt, for “tagging” me to participate in The Next Big Thing—a way for writers to discuss and promote their work- in-progress by answering the same set of questions about an upcoming project. Beth has tagged me and I, in turn, will tag two other writers.

Beth and I met at Ragdale in 2010.  She is the lovely and talented author of SAGE, and her ongoing and upcoming work can be found on her website, www.brandtwords.com. Please check out her site and explore her writing as well.

Tag Questions:

Sheila F. Flaherty, author of East of Mecca
Sheila F. Flaherty, author of East of Mecca

What is the working title of the book? 

The final title of my book is East of Mecca.

Where did the idea come from for the book? 

I am an American clinical psychologist.  East of Mecca was inspired by my own experiences and the stories I heard while working secretly (without a work-permit) on an Arab oil company compound on the Persian Gulf in Saudi Arabia.

What genre does your book fall under? 

Literary fiction/Women’s studies

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

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Beads and Bells

March 8, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 2 Comments

 Abaya on Beach

“Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.”

~Kahlil Gibran

Our story began twenty-four years ago on the beaches of the Arabian Gulf in Saudi Arabia.  Yasmeen’s spirit follows me still—but she eluded me in Mexico.

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What Shrinks Know (#6): With Courage, Comes Power

March 3, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 10 Comments

cowgirl

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

~ Anäis Nin

There is something about boots.  My daddy was a paratrooper in the Army, and when I was a little girl, people respected soldiers wearing big, black, paratrooper boots.  Those boots symbolized power and courage.  At age five, I decided I wanted to be a paratrooper when I grew up—or a cowgirl.

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What Shrinks Know (#5): Shame Belongs to the Abuser—Not the Victim

February 11, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 12 Comments

Me with my newborn brother, Joe. This is what 5 looks like.
Me with my newborn brother, Joe. This is what 5 looks like.

“When sleeping women wake, mountains move.”

~Chinese Proverb

I was fourteen and my brother Joe was eight, the summer we were shipped off to visit our grandmother in Macon, Georgia, and our aunt (Mom’s sister), uncle and two young male cousins in Fayetteville, North Carolina.  I never understood why, and there is nobody left to ask.  Well, maybe there is, but I’m not about to make that phone call.

When we were in Fayetteville, my aunt worked during the day, but my uncle was home. He wouldn’t leave me alone—always coming up behind me when I was washing dishes or making lunch for my brother and cousins—grabbing me, tickling me.  I wriggled away—uncomfortable, confused.  I was tall, skinny, and gawky, with braces on my teeth.

At night my brother slept with the boys, and I had a pillow and blanket on the sofa in the den.  When it was late and dark, my uncle emerged from their bedroom wearing a white T-shirt and boxers, turned on the television, and touched me.  I pretended to be asleep, or stared straight into nothingness.  My aunt never came out.

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What Shrinks Know (#4): It’s Never Too Late to STOP Wondering What People Will Think!

February 6, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 7 Comments

Avatar Tat2

“He’ll be right in to do your piercing.”  It was January 19 in Cottonwood, Arizona, and those were words I never thought I’d hear.

I’ve secretly wanted a piercing for a very long time—a tiny diamond—just there on the left side of my nose.  I think they look exquisitely feminine—elegant and exotic—the tiny unexpected sparkle imparting a mysterious je ne sais quoi.

In my years of practice, I’ve seen many young women with piercings.  These are bright, talented women—undergraduates and graduate students—often going into serious professions.  A year ago, a patient in her forties got her nose pierced with a tiny diamond immediately after filing for divorce.  When I told her I’d always wanted one, she said, “Whenever you’re ready, Dr. Sheila, I’ll take you.”

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What Shrinks Know (#3): The Quest for Identity Never Ends

January 29, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know No Comments

Stranger,

Is this where individuality ceases,

or does it exist beyond?

~Texas tombstone

and I don't want the world to see me

I just returned from visiting one of my three longest BFFs in Arizona.  Jan and I have known each other 46 years, since we were 18.  Four years ago, I wrote a personal essay about Jan (a female Sky King!) and I’ve been working on revisions before posting it on my website.  Last month in writing group, my friend Cathy asked a challenging question.

“What does Jan really mean to you?”

Although the answer seemed obvious, I was inarticulate in reply.  The question haunted me, and like most excellent questions, it forced me to dig deeper into the meaning behind this friendship and other relationships as well.

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What Shrinks Know (#2): Improv is the Secret to Life

January 24, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 4 Comments

Change “The only constant is change,

continuing change,

inevitable change…”

~Isaac Asimov

 I’m on a personal journey to redefine my life.  Since I’m at the age where many people are retiring, I can’t call it a mid-life crisis.  It’s not really a crisis at all, rather a personal commitment to live intentionally for the last chapter of my life—however long that is.

Retirement is not an option for me—I’m much too restless and passionate about what I do.  I would be one of those people you hear about who drop dead the week after they retire.  But after thirty-one years of practicing psychology full-time, I’m ready for it to look different.

Since my second passion is writing, I’m on a mission to create a life where I can write and practice psychology, while ensuring a healthy balance in other areas of my life including relationships and emotional and physical health.  All of this reconstruction involves commitment and CHANGE.

Like most people, I wrestle with change.  I don’t want the change I don’t want—and I want the change I want.  And I don’t always want to let go of what I must in order to have what I want.  Part of the premise of the ancient Chinese practice of Feng Shui is letting go of STUFF to free up room for more energy to flow—creating new and BETTER stuff!  But also like most people, I need change to create a new, more rewarding life.

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What Shrinks Know (#1): That which is MOST important, always lies BENEATH the surface

January 11, 2013 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 2 Comments

Mary Siewert Scruggs

I’ve had trouble writing this week.   Tuesday, I finally came up with a topic, but simply couldn’t pull it together, no matter how much time I stared at the screen.  Today, I realized why.  This week, I need to write about missing Mary.

January 11th has been hanging over me all week—like something I needed to remember that kept slipping out of reach.  Even Tuesday night at writing group, when Mary’s name came up, I didn’t consciously put it together.  It was driving home, when I suddenly felt a wave of panic that I remembered.  I thought about Mary driving home from her class January 11, 2011—knowing that she must have felt like crap—because when she got home, she had a stroke and died.  Mary was only 46.

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Recent Amazon.com Reader Review for “East of Mecca”

Unputdownable

"This book is "unputdownable". It starkly illuminates what life is like for women in Saudi Arabia and is extremely well told by Sheila Flaherty. Just a great read. I couldn't help but be grateful to be living in the U.S. when I closed the book."

Buy My Novel “East of Mecca” Now

Purchase either a paperback or Kindle eBook version from Amazon.com or a paperback version from Barnes & Noble.

The Weight of Sorrow

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear

“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” ~Samuel Beckett Anyone who’s not scared right now is either an innocent child, an adult in denial, or someone unclear on the concept of a pandemic. As shrinks say, “Fear is appropriate affect for what we’re going through.” […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” ~William C. Dement If you ask people how they’re doing these days, the most common answer is, “I’m tired.” Reality has set in—this quarantine isn’t temporary. We’re realizing it will likely be months before we’re in […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#4) Strive for Balance

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” ~ Robert Fulgham Unlike yesterday, when I had to jump out of bed to make the healthy choice of joining an online Zumba class, today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#3) The Importance of Self-Compassion

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~ Pema Chodron Today’s post will be short. I’m grateful to have seven sessions scheduled back to back today from noon to seven. Thanks to all who’ve commented and sent suggestions. I hope to make personal replies to each tonight after work. Today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#2)

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards Thanks to all of you who read yesterday’s […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#1)

“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal…It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way we can benefit others.” ~Pema Chodron  Like everyone I […]

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