I bought “Big Guy” the day my hair froze the first winter I lived in Chicago. Big Guy is a calf-length, black, down, Eddie Bauer coat. It zips up the front, has a hood that draws tightly around my face, and is good for weather down to -40°. Big Guy is thirty-seven years old this winter. More

As another October comes to an end, I invite you to read a repost of “Hope and Action.” Originally published on October 22, 2012, it was my very first blog post and details my first experience with breast cancer. At that time, I was a ten-year survivor. Since then, I’ve have written nine more posts (listed below) describing my two recurrences and what life is like as a breast cancer fighter/survivor.

Even during the pink-ribbon-festooned month of October, the fear of breast cancer is so great most women cannot bring themselves to conduct self-examinations or schedule mammograms. My mission, in sharing my personal experiences, is to enlighten readers as to all I’ve learned so far, inspire those women whose fear has kept them from scheduling screenings to be brave and do so (Mammograms have saved my life three times in the past seventeen years.), and empower those walking a journey similar to mine to take my hand and keep going…we can walk together.

Most everyone knows someone whose life has been touched by breast cancer. I hope my stories can help you or someone you love.

If you wish to read more about my personal experiences, here are the links to nine more posts in the order in which they were written:

Suspended

Cancer Redux

Moving Forward

All is Well!

And Then…Cancer

A Tribute to My Best Forever Friend

Life Lessons I’m Learning from Cancer: Lesson One

Life Lessons I’m Learning from Cancer: Number Two

Telling it How it IS

I didn’t realize what a daunting task it would be when I decided to write my very first blog in October on the topic of breast cancer.  The original idea came from a celebratory place—on Friday, September 28, I had my yearly diagnostic mammogram and was declared cancer free.  I am now a 10 year survivor—which puts me in the 82nd percentile of women who make it this long.

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Cancer is with you forever.

~Shannen Doherty

This Saturday, April 6, marked the anniversary of my mastectomy. The test results are in and, once again, I’m a one-year survivor. It’s a funny place to be. You might think it would be all champagne and roses. Or a fist pumping, “Whoo hoo! I kicked cancer’s ass!” But it’s not either of those. More

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness.

If you are attentive, you will see it.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ll admit, my last few posts have been on the “downer” side. Some people find it hard to read about the impact of cancer. It’s hard to write about it, too, even though I’m also sharing the positive life lessons I’m learning in the process of recovery. While I have two more posts planned for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, right now I’d love to share an unexpected joyful benefit I’ve gained from the tough stuff.

It was a cold and windy day last Saturday, October 20, when the Ragdale Foundation in Lake Forest had its third annual Halloween extravaganza called “Rags to Witches.” After months of preparation, the entire Ragdale house and grounds were turned into a magical spooky kingdom. Even the outside of the house was decorated as an enormous Cheshire cat called “Fang.” Inside were ghoulish portraits, animal skeletons dining at a lavishly decorated table laden with creepy treats. There were flickering lights, cobwebs, spiders, a lone, ghostly bride—and too many more exquisitely spooky details to list.

Activities over the day included Tarot and palm readings, creepy portraits, a pet cemetery, a very curious scavenger hunt, an original play, the witches’ kitchen, Michael Jackson’s Thriller dance lessons, a makeup madness station, ghostly storytelling, a parade to the witches ring, and a costume contest. There were food stations scattered about including The Sweet Shoppe and Grub Station, and a cauldron of hot cider served by a cackling witch.

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I Can Choose My Immediate Reality

Cancer: A term for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and can invade nearby tissues. (The National Library of Medicine)

I’ve discovered cancer doesn’t just invade your body—it invades your entire life. It invades your waking hours and what little sleep it permits. When it isn’t taking over all your thoughts, it hovers on the perimeter of your mind—like a fluttering distraction in your peripheral vision. Cancer becomes your constant companion.

It invades your time with friends and family, by either hogging the conversation or morphing into the elephant in the room. And this isn’t always the fault of other people inquiring as to how I’m doing. Sometimes I feel cancer is all I have or need to discuss. Other times, it’s the very last thing I want to talk about.

Cancer invades your “real life” by requiring appointments with doctors and specialists, where it destroys any remaining sense of dignity by demanding to be examined by foreign eyes and cold, strange hands. It’s easy to feel dehumanized during these exams.

Forever the scene-stealer, cancer draws attention like flies to a carcass. Encounters with family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers can take treacherous turns. Casual mentions of a friend or family member recently diagnosed, or suffering through treatment, or, my personal favorite, dead from cancer—can haunt my thoughts and dreams for days.

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