“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on,
I can’t go on, I’ll go on.”
~Samuel Beckett
Anyone who’s not scared right now is either an innocent child, an adult in denial, or someone unclear on the concept of a pandemic. As shrinks say, “Fear is appropriate affect for what we’re going through.” Among so many other things, we’re afraid of the real and present danger of being infected with the virus. We’re afraid for ourselves, our families, our friends. We’re afraid of the unknown. And much is unknown.
Most of us have become hyper-vigilant. To a cough. To fatigue. To breathlessness on the stairs. To a hot flash in the night. Many people I know were sick in January or February with terrible, lingering, flu symptoms, even though they’d had their flu shots. Now they’re wondering if they had COVID-19. If so, are they immune? If so, did they infect another? If so, are their lungs now compromised? Too many questions and too few answers put us all on edge. The problem is, there are no clear, concrete answers. We’re in uncharted territory and uncertainty brings more fear.
Yesterday I drove past a sign that said “Senior Crossing.” My second impulse was to take a “selfie” in front of it. But my first impulse was to riddle it with buckshot. Back in my Texas wild-west days, I would have pulled out my rifle and done just that. (Not that I ever drove around with a rifle. But I was damn good at the shooting range!) That bright yellow sign would make for excellent target practice.