“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal…It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way we can benefit others.”
~Pema Chodron
Like everyone I know, or know of, my reality is suddenly surreal. Quarantines and restrictions are getting stricter every day. As this week has evolved, the reality is sinking in—we are in for the long haul, and that is indefinite. Isolation is our new normal. So, how can we be resilient? How can we survive with grace?
There is no handbook for psychologists on what to do in the face of a pandemic. I’m learning with the rest of you. I did, however, have a very similar experience when I first moved to Saudi Arabia in the spring of 1989 (Saudi Stories #1). I’ve gone back and looked at what helped me then, and I’m paying close attention to what is helping me now. I want to share with you what I’m learning.
Living in a gated, guarded compound in Saudi, after having my passport confiscated, felt the closest to what I and others are feeling now. Containment and total powerlessness. Isolation. Deprivation. Fear and paranoia. The helplessness and hopelessness that can lead to depression. Anxiety that can tip depression into suicidal ideation. In Saudi, I learned the importance of resiliency for healthy survival during difficult times.
Two months into my stay in Saudi, I was clinically depressed. I knew I had to take action or I wouldn’t survive—so I listed the things I knew I could do to feel better every day.
- Exercise—which usually meant an early morning run on the beach
- Write—something, anything. Journaling my feelings, writing about my experiences in Saudi, working on a creative writing project
- Interpersonal contact outside my family and women seeking therapy from me
These were small things, but they were important because I knew they would make me feel better. They were choices I could make to feel empowered. Every morning when I woke up feeling depressed and/or anxious, I could choose to get up and do these things and feel better, or I could choose to stay in bed, knowing I would feel worse. Some days I lost the battle, but over time I won the war. I made it through Saudi relatively sane, and sometimes I even felt happy!
Now, in the time of COVID-19, I’m finding these things to be helpful:
- Extreme self-care—critical to keeping our immune systems strong.
- Good nutrition
- Vitamin supplements
- Adequate sleep
- Plenty of water
- Exercise—if you can safely get outside for a walk, do it. Otherwise, do something in your home.
- Go online for free classes. I’ve found the community of fitness instructors to be exceedingly generous in offering free, streaming classes. (Thank you, especially, Suzy Crawford, for keeping me dancing with Zumba!)
- Write—something, anything.
- Journal your experiences, feelings, what works and does not work for you. These are historical times, capture them. (Thank you, Wendy!)
- Interpersonal contact— This is especially important if you live alone.
- Make a list of people to reach out to, and do it.
- Reach back to those checking in on you.
- Sites like Instagram and FaceBook give us opportunities to connect, especially if we are thoughtful and actually make personal contact with our online friends.
- Have virtual meet-ups to chat or enjoy a glass of wine with friends online.
- Every day do something that feels productive and/or creative.
- If you can still work, be thankful.
- Tackle a long-overdue project that’s causing anxiety.
- Draw, paint, write, knit, quilt. Color in a coloring book.
- Reduce anxiety however you can.
- Turn off negative and/or alarming media.
- Read uplifting or entertaining books.
- Avoid toxic people whenever possible.
- Meditate to quiet your mind.
- If you already do, continue.
- If not, check below where I’ll share an exercise I teach my patients and I practice when I’m stressed. *
- Practice gratitude.
- Make a list of at least three things for which you’re grateful every day
- Remember, we, the whole earth’s population, are in this together. Focus on how we—those who have access to electricity, iPhones, computers, and the internet to be able to connect with others and to write and/or read a post like this are more fortunate that 99% of our fellow world citizens. For this, be grateful.
Resiliency can be learned. It may be the most important lesson any of us ever learn, because feeling hopeless and helpless can be a lethal combination. Choosing to take actions we know will make us feel better, gives us a sense of empowerment, and paves the path toward happiness. We don’t know when and how this will all end. To the best of your ability, make each day as happy as you can.
As I learn more, I’ll pass it along. In the meantime, please take good care. I appreciate each and every one of you.
*Meditation exercise: I particularly like this method because you breathe naturally in and out without any complicated counting. I also like it because it’s portable! Once mastered, you can use the breathing/counting in almost any stressful situation. Counting keeps anxious thoughts at bay and breathing is the most natural and effective way of relaxing.
Set an alarm for 10 minutes.
Sit comfortably with eyes closed or softly focusing on a lit candle.
As you breathe in, think to yourself “ONE.”
As you breathe out, think to yourself “ONE.”
As you breathe in, think to yourself “TWO.”
As you breathe out, think to yourself “TWO.”
As you breathe in, think to yourself “THREE.”
As you breathe out, think to yourself “THREE.”
Continue on until the alarm goes off. If you lose count, start over. Practice every day and jot down the number you get to. Eventually you’ll see what your average number is on a day with no distractions. Good luck, and please let me know how it works for you.
Meg Metzler
March 21, 2020 @ 7:43 PM
Hi Sheila! Is there a way to access Suzy Crawford’s free zumba classes? I would love that! I enjoyed this post and will make use of your thoughtful ideas. Thanks!
Sheila Flaherty
March 22, 2020 @ 1:03 PM
Hi Meg! Thank you so much for commenting. Here is Suzy’s website where she lists her classes and those of other instructors. Aqualandfitness.com
Stay strong!
Sharon Goodman
March 21, 2020 @ 9:43 PM
I love your blog, Sheila, and thank you for sending it. Is Suzy doing Zumba online? If not, can she direct us to someone who is? I think there are quite a few of us in need of Zumba! ? Again, thank you for your wonderful suggestions to soothe our troubled minds.
Sheila Flaherty
March 22, 2020 @ 1:01 PM
Thanks, Sharon! I hope you find it helpful. Here’s Suzy’s website where she’s posting her classes as well as other instructors’. Aqualandfitness.com Stay strong! xoxo
joanna trotter
March 21, 2020 @ 10:16 PM
Thanks, Sheila, for the post and the tips. Hope you are doing well also. I, too, would like to know if you have knowledge of a free streaming Zumba class. I’m usually a walker but found last Tuesday that my place had become crowded with everyone off work. As a heart patient, I need my cardio & a significant social distance. So home it is.
Sheila Flaherty
March 22, 2020 @ 12:59 PM
Thanks, Joanna! Here is Suzy’s website where she’s listing her online classes and those of other instructors. Aqualandfitness.com
xoxo
joanna trotter
March 24, 2020 @ 7:04 PM
Thank you! xo
Judy Ebenhoeh
March 22, 2020 @ 12:25 AM
Thanks for sharing thoughtful and helpful suggestions, Sheila, to help us as we experience many changes in our daily routines. And having read your novel for one of my book clubs, it is reassuring that you also speak from some of the practices that worked for you while living in Saudi. Your first item under tip #6 is one that will especially help me and others–I will stop watching the daily White House daily “press briefings!” that get me soooo stressed! I’ll wait for the summary of highlights! I have watched several of Suzy Crawford’s online Zumba and Chair Pilates classes/videos this week, as well as the links she has offered to classes by other instructors. We appreciate the way both of you have reached out to help create a degree of normalcy and connectiveness as we rely on social media, electronic, virtual, etc., methods of socializing and working. Thanks so much!
Sheila Flaherty
March 22, 2020 @ 12:57 PM
Thank you, Judy! I so appreciate your feedback and I’m pleased you found my post helpful. I’ll have another post up very soon. Meanwhile, keep dancing with Zumba!
RoseMary
March 22, 2020 @ 1:30 PM
Thank you so very much for your advice and encouragement, Sheila. It came at exactly the right time.
Sheila Flaherty
March 24, 2020 @ 6:39 PM
Thank you, RoseMary. I’m so happy to hear that it was helpful!
Michelle Collier
March 22, 2020 @ 2:49 PM
Thank you for this, Sheila! I may be joining in on Zumba – those endorphins always help in stressful times.
Sheila Flaherty
March 24, 2020 @ 6:40 PM
So nice to hear from you, Michelle! My friend Suzy’s website is Aqualandfitness.com. Check it out!
Suzy C
March 22, 2020 @ 3:53 PM
hugs and kisses Sheila, your wisdom comes through with glaring clarity when you write. So wonderful AND thanks for sharing my classes. Please everyone join in! Aqualandfitness.com or Facebook.com SuzyCrawford. I cant write but I can lead a dance to help with this craziness! Sheila and I met when she started coming to my classes. we have been BFF ever since!
Sheila Flaherty
March 24, 2020 @ 6:41 PM
Hugs and kisses back at you, BFF!!! Thank you for helping keep me relatively sane!!!
Judi
March 22, 2020 @ 7:59 PM
I found that I’m in a much better place when I’m not listening to reports from the WH & all day news coverage on the Coronavirus.
Thank you
Sheila Flaherty
March 24, 2020 @ 6:42 PM
You are so very welcome, Judi!