Sheila Flaherty
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Shukran

August 3, 2016 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 8 Comments

sheila_paris_boatThis is one of those stories that, if written in a novel or as a scene in a movie, would be dismissed as contrived. Unbelievable. And yet, it happened just as I describe. And all the circumstances, the timing, the spontaneity suggest more than mere coincidence. For me, it was the most profound experience of my entire ten-day trip to France.

Thursday, July 21st was my last day in Paris. In three days, I’d only seen the Eiffel Tower from afar, so I decided to pay her a visit. Recent flooding on the Seine had closed part of the subway system, resulting in a long, circuitous metro ride from where I was staying on Isle St. Louis to the tower. I had to change lines in the middle and close to an hour had passed when I finally reached my stop.

All of Paris is on heightened alert. The terrorist attack in Nice happened on July 14, my second day in France, while I was in the far north, near the English Channel. At the airport, the train stations, and on the streets, heavily armed soldiers and police patrol in packs of three. Vigilant. Hand-held automatic weapons at the ready.

Nowhere in Paris are the extra precautions more apparent than at the Eiffel Tower. The entire perimeter at the base is fenced off, and to enter one must go through a rigorous security check. Every time I’ve visited in the past, I’ve wandered about freely, walked into the base, and gazed straight up. This time I chose to stay outside the fenced area. Still gazing up, but nowhere as close as before. The Eiffel Tower is still magnificent. Even more striking and awe-inspiring in reality than in pictures.

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Reflections on Motherhood and Loss

May 8, 2016 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 3 Comments

Days after Days , the life and the love (I)

Last week I sat with a man talking about his eight-month-old son—his antics, amazing accomplishments at his early age, how much he loves him. Suddenly the dad stared off with a pensive expression. “I told him he’s growing too fast,” he said.

All I could do was smile gently and nod. He’s right. They all grow too fast.

Loss is on my mind this beautiful spring day, when, finally, it’s warm enough to be outside without a down jacket. I’m on my enclosed front porch, my cat Blue curled asleep in the chair beside me. The sun is shining, birds are chirping. A woodpecker is climbing the trunk of the catalpa tree, making that familiar tapping sound. Bees harvest pollen from the bright yellow forsythia blooming just outside my window.

I once read an essay about spring being the “treacherous season.” I wish I knew the author who wrote of vulnerability—tiny baby birds, blind puppies, toddlers walking outside for the very first time. All tragedy needs is a hard wind, a fast rain—a moment’s distraction. Just weeks ago a late snow blanketed my tender lilac buds.

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All is Well!

February 14, 2016 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

Love is all around us!

All doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant

once the intention of life becomes LOVE.

~Rumi

We who are cancer survivors have different kinds of anniversaries. We speak in code to one another, inquiring about health, sharing the latest—especially when it is good news—because we know the wolf is always at the door. We are in a club none of us chose to join, but we cherish our fellow members.

On January 23rd, a friend in my club asked how I’m doing. He asked in the nuanced way we ask. And when I inquired about him, he quietly told me he’d had his four-year check up the week before, and, “All is well.”

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Reflections and Hope

December 31, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 4 Comments

Every End is a New Beginning

“New Year’s most glorious light is sweet hope!”

~Mehmet Murat ildan

Of the many milestones in a year—birthdays, holidays, anniversaries of any kind—none force us to reflect or compel us to look forward as much as the New Year itself.

In late December, we are bombarded with “Best of” lists—movies, music, theatrical productions, and books. There are also “Year in Review” lists—recaps of newsworthy events occurring over the past twelve months. Photographs. Last week, a posting of 2015 in international photographs brought me to my knees. There is no denying the world is a hot mess.

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Finding Family

December 17, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Family Secrets 6 Comments

family_reunion

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton,

you may as well make it dance.”

~ George Bernard Shaw

Really, George? The skeleton? Just one? Most families I know have many more than one skeleton in the closet. Tis the season when shrinks’ couches are filled with people stressing over their families. In my family, the skeletons could form their own dance troupe.

I’ve written about the skeletons on my mom’s side of the family (Am I Blue?) and within my own immediate family of origin (Word Salad). My family is so dysfunctional that I could write about it for years. But, today, I am writing about finding the joy in family.

Last month, there was a reunion in Granada Hills, California at the home of my Uncle Dick, my last remaining uncle on my daddy’s side. Daddy was the oldest of three boys, and he died young, at fifty-eight. Uncle Earl, the youngest, died in his seventies. Uncle Dick, the middle brother, is ninety-five.

Uncle Dick and Aunt Betty, who died in 2006, had two sons, Brad and Larry. I never knew my cousins. My baby brother Joe and I grew up in the South and Texas. They grew up in California. As kids, Joe and I had little contact with any extended family. Everyone lived in different states. Brief visits occurred only as we moved locations or took road-trip vacations in our Studebaker station wagon. We never made it to California.

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Repost: Hope and Action

October 9, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 1 Comment

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and I want to share my personal experiences—yet again. Last year at this time, I was a twelve-year survivor. Those who know me or follow my posts are aware that I had a reoccurrence this past January. Once again, it was found through my yearly mammogram and caught in the very earliest stages. Once again, I am profoundly grateful. While there is an abundance of confusing and conflicting information out there, one thing hold true—early detection saves lives. My mission, in continuing to share my story, is to inspire readers to take action on their own behalves, as well as to bring comfort and HOPE to those who are struggling with their own diagnosis—or love someone who is.


 

I didn’t realize what a daunting task it would be when I decided to write my very first blog in October on the topic of breast cancer.  The original idea came from a celebratory place—on Friday, September 28, I had my yearly diagnostic mammogram and was declared cancer free.  I am now a 10 year survivor—which puts me in the 82nd percentile of women who make it this long.

Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH
Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH

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What Shrinks Know (#20): It is Never too Late to Learn More About Yourself

August 31, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 14 Comments

anger

“The problem with introspection is that is has no end.”

~ Philip K. Dick

It is late August and there is a chill in the air. The temperature is 73 degrees, but the breeze I feel on my porch makes it seem like early fall. Makes me want to pull on soft, worn jeans and a roomy turtleneck sweater.

The chill is coming way too early. Normally this time of summer, I start to weary of the heat. The grass is usually parched and my herbs and impatiens wilted from too much sun. The constant din of cicadas makes me feel like I have tinnitus. This year, June was cold and wet and summer weather didn’t launch until July. And even though July was the hottest on record, our indecisive August makes me feel gypped.

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Repost: What Shrinks Know (#16): The Complexity of Suicide

August 12, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 1 Comment

A year has passed since the death of Robin Williams sent the world into mourning. I received so many moving and grateful responses to the very personal post I wrote in reaction to his suicide, that I am reposting it now. Please share if you know anyone whose life has been touched by suicide. Together we might ease the pain of a “survivor”… or even save a life.

 


 

Robin_Pagliacci

I attempted suicide when I was sixteen. Over the almost fifty years since, I have told very few people. I’ve only shared when the importance of disclosure felt greater than my desire for privacy. I have shared with others who have survived suicide attempts. I’ve also shared with those in danger of succumbing to their suicidal urges—when the sharing of my personal experience would have more impact than my professional experience—when it might save a life.
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What Writers Know: It is a Fine Line Between Truth and Fiction

July 29, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Revelations as a Writer, Writing East of Mecca No Comments

“Hello darkness, my old friend.

I’ve come to talk with you again.”

~ Paul Simon

4/52-Walking the Fine Line

For the past few months I have been working on a second edition of East of Mecca. It will include reviews from Amazon and Goodreads and discussion questions for book clubs. Also included is a “second edition afterword” where I address the question I have been most asked since the original publication in 2013, “Haven’t things improved for Saudi women since you lived there in the late 1980’s?”

The simple and tragic answer is, “No.” Circumstances have worsened for Saudi women—and for Muslim women and girls worldwide. Because of culturally-sanctioned honor violence and radical Islamic terrorist groups, gender apartheid against women has reached epic proportions.

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The Second Sunday

May 10, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 4 Comments

Sheila and Mom

Today is Mother’s Day, and, as much as I enjoy being celebrated for being a mom, the day is bittersweet for me—as it is for most of us who have lost our moms. The loss of your mother brings both a unique and universal sorrow.

When I was a little girl, there was a tradition on Mother’s Day. At church, carnations were available for all the women. Those whose mothers were still alive got a red carnation, and those whose moms had died got a white one. As a child, I never thought about how that would feel—to get a white carnation. I could not have imagined.

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The Weight of Sorrow

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear

“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” ~Samuel Beckett Anyone who’s not scared right now is either an innocent child, an adult in denial, or someone unclear on the concept of a pandemic. As shrinks say, “Fear is appropriate affect for what we’re going through.” […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” ~William C. Dement If you ask people how they’re doing these days, the most common answer is, “I’m tired.” Reality has set in—this quarantine isn’t temporary. We’re realizing it will likely be months before we’re in […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#4) Strive for Balance

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” ~ Robert Fulgham Unlike yesterday, when I had to jump out of bed to make the healthy choice of joining an online Zumba class, today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#3) The Importance of Self-Compassion

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~ Pema Chodron Today’s post will be short. I’m grateful to have seven sessions scheduled back to back today from noon to seven. Thanks to all who’ve commented and sent suggestions. I hope to make personal replies to each tonight after work. Today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#2)

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards Thanks to all of you who read yesterday’s […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#1)

“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal…It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way we can benefit others.” ~Pema Chodron  Like everyone I […]

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