Sheila Flaherty
Enlighten, inspire and empower others for the greater good.
  • About Me
  • Why I Write
  • East of Mecca
  • Keeper of Stories
  • Blog
  • Speaking Engagements
  • Press Kit
  • Contact Me

And then…JOY!

October 26, 2018 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness.

If you are attentive, you will see it.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ll admit, my last few posts have been on the “downer” side. Some people find it hard to read about the impact of cancer. It’s hard to write about it, too, even though I’m also sharing the positive life lessons I’m learning in the process of recovery. While I have two more posts planned for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, right now I’d love to share an unexpected joyful benefit I’ve gained from the tough stuff.

It was a cold and windy day last Saturday, October 20, when the Ragdale Foundation in Lake Forest had its third annual Halloween extravaganza called “Rags to Witches.” After months of preparation, the entire Ragdale house and grounds were turned into a magical spooky kingdom. Even the outside of the house was decorated as an enormous Cheshire cat called “Fang.” Inside were ghoulish portraits, animal skeletons dining at a lavishly decorated table laden with creepy treats. There were flickering lights, cobwebs, spiders, a lone, ghostly bride—and too many more exquisitely spooky details to list.

Activities over the day included Tarot and palm readings, creepy portraits, a pet cemetery, a very curious scavenger hunt, an original play, the witches’ kitchen, Michael Jackson’s Thriller dance lessons, a makeup madness station, ghostly storytelling, a parade to the witches ring, and a costume contest. There were food stations scattered about including The Sweet Shoppe and Grub Station, and a cauldron of hot cider served by a cackling witch.

More

Life Lessons I’m Learning from Cancer: Number Two

October 23, 2018 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 4 Comments

I Can Choose My Immediate Reality

choose the door

Cancer: A term for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and can invade nearby tissues. (The National Library of Medicine)

I’ve discovered cancer doesn’t just invade your body—it invades your entire life. It invades your waking hours and what little sleep it permits. When it isn’t taking over all your thoughts, it hovers on the perimeter of your mind—like a fluttering distraction in your peripheral vision. Cancer becomes your constant companion.

It invades your time with friends and family, by either hogging the conversation or morphing into the elephant in the room. And this isn’t always the fault of other people inquiring as to how I’m doing. Sometimes I feel cancer is all I have or need to discuss. Other times, it’s the very last thing I want to talk about.

Cancer invades your “real life” by requiring appointments with doctors and specialists, where it destroys any remaining sense of dignity by demanding to be examined by foreign eyes and cold, strange hands. It’s easy to feel dehumanized during these exams.

Forever the scene-stealer, cancer draws attention like flies to a carcass. Encounters with family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers can take treacherous turns. Casual mentions of a friend or family member recently diagnosed, or suffering through treatment, or, my personal favorite, dead from cancer—can haunt my thoughts and dreams for days.

More

Life Lessons I’m Learning from Cancer: Lesson One

October 11, 2018 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 22 Comments

Sometimes Comfort is Found Beyond Your Comfort Zone

isolation

October, being breast cancer awareness month, is a perfect time to share some of what I’m learning from having breast cancer. My very first blog post, Hope and Action, was published October 2012, when I was a ten-year survivor. It was about my first diagnosis of breast cancer. Now, two recurrences later, I have much more I’d like to share.

This time, the third time, cancer has taken a much greater toll on me—physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. Reading my journal entries from before my surgery on April 6, and immediately following, I realize I had no idea how hard I’d be walloped. My plans were to face it all head-on and jump right back onto my feet afterwards, barely skipping a beat. Little did I know.

More

And Then…Cancer.

May 30, 2018 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts

Beat Cancer ..

“If you want to make god laugh, tell her your plans.”

~ Anne Lamott

This was supposed to be a good year. I planned to make it so. I intended to spend more time with people who make me laugh, and engage in activities that feed my soul and bring me joy. I wanted to write more and seriously work on my next novel. The whole of 2017 had been full of sorrow, heartbreak, and extreme stress, so I began 2018 with positive energy. On January 13th, I started Flamenco dance lessons…a life-long dream. On January 16th, I wrote a blog about my granddaughter, Ada. And then, on January 29th, I had my regularly scheduled, annual, diagnostic mammogram.

More

Loving Ada

January 16, 2018 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 8 Comments

“Truth be told, being a grandma is as close as we ever get to perfection.” ~ Bryna Nelson Paston

I never feel closer to God than when I hold my granddaughter. Ada, at nineteen months, is smart, loving, beautiful, and already has a wicked sense of humor. My afternoons with Ada are my best, happiest days…when I get the pleasure of her company for three to four hours, or more, if I’m lucky. During those hours, I call her “baby girl” and tell her I love her at least a hundred times. Afternoons, I let Ada lead the way. From what she wants to do to when she wants to eat. We have our favorite activities, and our rituals.

More

New Year’s Eve Reflections and Gentle Suggestions

December 31, 2017 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 4 Comments

Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist.

~Natalie Goldberg

It’s New Year’s Eve and the pressure is on! The busyness of the holidays is coming to a close, but first we must ring in the New Year and ring out the old! There must be a ball drop, a countdown, fireworks! 2017 must end, not with a whimper, but with a bang. But, what if we need to do it differently?

I’ve felt my own internal pressure to write once more, before year’s end. I want to share my thoughts on how to healthily reflect on the past year and move mindfully into the new. And yet, I’ve long known I cannot write under pressure…my own or anyone else’s. When I try, I run smack into writer’s block. And procrastination. Friday, when I began trying to write this post, I recorded my mental and physical process. It was, as follows:

Procrastination is a wily beast! I really want to write. I have so much to say! Yet, there are things to be done…like washing and drying my lunch dishes. Other urgent tasks call to me, too…cleaning the hall closet, rummaging through the junk drawer in search of AAA batteries, dusting the top of every picture frame in the house. Such is the nature of writing…housework is suddenly seductive. Procrastination is the foreplay of writing.

More

What This Shrink Knows: A Practice for Surviving the Holidays… and Life

December 13, 2017 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Life as a Shrink, What Shrinks Know 8 Comments

holiday

Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.

~ Rumi

Last week, December arrived with a super moon and the beginning of Mercury in Retrograde. Winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, is next week. Temperatures here in Chicago finally feel like winter. Skies are gray and snow is on the ground.

We’re deep into the holidays, with three weeks to go before they’re over. This season is always the busiest for psychologists. People are dealing with family dramas, stress, depression, disappointment, demands, and expectations. We grieve those lost to us. The holidays can leave us financially broke, emotionally bereft, and just hoping to survive.

No matter how we feel, we can’t escape… lights strung in trees, Christmas music, bell-ringers. Years ago I had a patient who was having a particularly difficult year. She said every time she went outside she wanted to scream, “Get your Christ out of my face!”

More

Of Freedom, Feminism, and “The Handmaid’s Tale”

July 4, 2017 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, True Saudi Arabia Stories 3 Comments

How ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ has become the meme of the resistance

Women’s rights are human rights. ~ Elisabeth Moss

I first read The Handmaid’s Tale the summer of 1989 while living in Saudi Arabia. Margaret Atwood’s award-winning novel was published in 1985, and I’d been aware of it, but completing my psychology internship and doctoral dissertation, while working and raising two kids, had taken precedence in my life. Suddenly, in Saudi Arabia, I had nothing but time.

My husband Curt had taken an engineering job with Aramco Oil company and we were living on the company compound called Ras Tanura, located on the shores of the Persian Gulf. We had discussed the move at length, weighing pros and cons, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was an excellent opportunity for him, the salary was so extraordinary we could pay off bills and accumulate savings, and I would have a “break year” before seriously launching my private practice. It would be our grand adventure.More

Inside, I am Screaming — ‘‘Vote for Hillary!”

November 7, 2016 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

thumbnail2

Everyone who knows me well, knows I am passionate about being a shrink. From the moment I embraced this career, I’ve never looked back. I can no longer distinguish what I do from who I am. And this is a good thing.

And, sometimes, it’s hard to be a shrink. Like when I hear someone’s story and it’s so tragic and horrifying that it haunts my dreams forever. Or, when someone’s heart is shattered and all I can truly promise is that time will help heal it—somewhat. Or when I have to stay neutral in matters of religion and politics and, inside, I am screaming!

Fortunately, I’m also passionate about writing, where I can safely speak my personal truths. I know most of you reading this already know where I stand on political issues. Those who don’t agree have “unsubscribed” to my blog. During this election season I suspect I’ve been unfriended on Facebook, and I know I’ve done my own unfriending when reasonable discussion proved futile.

As my grandma used to say, “There’s no percentage in arguing with a fool.”

More

Repost: Hope and Action

October 30, 2016 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 2 Comments

We are coming to the end of Breast Cancer Awareness month, and I want to share my personal experiences—yet again. I am now a two-time survivor…fourteen years and almost two years. Both times, my cancer was found through my yearly mammogram and caught in the very earliest stages. I remain profoundly grateful. While there is an abundance of confusing, conflicting, and scary information out there, one thing holds true—early detection saves lives. It may have saved mine. My mission, in continuing to share my story, is to inspire readers to take action on their own behalves, as well as to bring comfort and HOPE to those who are struggling with their own diagnosis—or love someone who is.


Original published: October 22, 2012

I didn’t realize what a daunting task it would be when I decided to write my very first blog in October on the topic of breast cancer.  The original idea came from a celebratory place—on Friday, September 28, I had my yearly diagnostic mammogram and was declared cancer free.  I am now a 10 year survivor—which puts me in the 82nd percentile of women who make it this long.

Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH
Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH

More

‹ 1 2 3 4 ›»

Subscribe now

Join over 350 subscribers receiving Sheila's occasional blog posts & updates via email.

Speaking Engagements

No events currently scheduled

Recent Blog Posts

  • The Weight of Sorrow
  • What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear
  • What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical
  • What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#4) Strive for Balance
  • What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#3) The Importance of Self-Compassion

Recent Comments

  • Sherry Swaggart on The Weight of Sorrow
  • Jan Reed Harrod on The Weight of Sorrow
  • What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical – Sheila Flaherty on What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#1)
  • Sheila Flaherty on What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear
  • Sheila Flaherty on What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear

Topics

  • Blog Posts (81)
  • Family Secrets (2)
  • Friends (4)
  • Life as a Shrink (3)
  • Photographs and Original Art (5)
  • Revelations as a Writer (10)
  • True Saudi Arabia Stories (3)
  • What Shrinks Know (22)
  • What this Shrink is Learning (6)
  • Writing East of Mecca (5)

Recent Amazon.com Reader Review for “East of Mecca”

Unputdownable

"This book is "unputdownable". It starkly illuminates what life is like for women in Saudi Arabia and is extremely well told by Sheila Flaherty. Just a great read. I couldn't help but be grateful to be living in the U.S. when I closed the book."

Buy My Novel “East of Mecca” Now

Purchase either a paperback or Kindle eBook version from Amazon.com or a paperback version from Barnes & Noble.

The Weight of Sorrow

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear

“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” ~Samuel Beckett Anyone who’s not scared right now is either an innocent child, an adult in denial, or someone unclear on the concept of a pandemic. As shrinks say, “Fear is appropriate affect for what we’re going through.” […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” ~William C. Dement If you ask people how they’re doing these days, the most common answer is, “I’m tired.” Reality has set in—this quarantine isn’t temporary. We’re realizing it will likely be months before we’re in […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#4) Strive for Balance

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” ~ Robert Fulgham Unlike yesterday, when I had to jump out of bed to make the healthy choice of joining an online Zumba class, today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#3) The Importance of Self-Compassion

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~ Pema Chodron Today’s post will be short. I’m grateful to have seven sessions scheduled back to back today from noon to seven. Thanks to all who’ve commented and sent suggestions. I hope to make personal replies to each tonight after work. Today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#2)

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards Thanks to all of you who read yesterday’s […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#1)

“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal…It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way we can benefit others.” ~Pema Chodron  Like everyone I […]

Subscribe now

Join over 350 subscribers receiving Sheila's occasional blog posts & updates via email.

Blog Post Categories

  • Blog Posts
  • Family Secrets
  • Friends
  • Life as a Shrink
  • Photographs and Original Art
  • Revelations as a Writer
  • True Saudi Arabia Stories
  • What Shrinks Know
  • What this Shrink is Learning
  • Writing East of Mecca

My Twitter

Tweets by @SheilaFFlaherty

Buy My Novel “East of Mecca” Now

Purchase either a paperback or Kindle eBook version from Amazon.com or a paperback version from Barnes & Noble.
Sheila Flaherty
© Sheila Flaherty 2013 - 2021 | Website Credits and Acknowledgements
Powered by WordPress • Themify WordPress Themes

↑ Back to top