Sheila Flaherty
Enlighten, inspire and empower others for the greater good.
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Moving Forward

February 24, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

Luck on a Fence

This is the second part of a two-part posting. You can find the first post titled “Cancer Redux” here.

*****

This past Thursday was the coldest day of winter and the Kellogg Cancer Center parking lot was completely full. I waited ten minutes then gave my car to the valet. Inside, the waiting room was crowded. I stopped just inside the entrance and looked around.

There is something uniquely nondiscriminatory about the waiting room of a cancer center. Every age, gender, ethnicity, and religion is represented. People are waiting for treatments, are in-between treatments, or are waiting for people who are having treatments. Mostly, it’s easy to tell who’s who. As I looked around the room, eyes met mine. There’s an assessment going on. Are you one of us?

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Suspended

December 8, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 9 Comments

Suspended

A huge part of how I define myself is survivor. I’ve survived a lot in my life, but the thing most present in my mind when I say “survivor” is breast cancer. Up until last Wednesday, December 3, I was calling myself a twelve-year survivor. Now I don’t know. Now I’m just pending. Now I’m suspended like the tiny pieces of my flesh gathered for the biopsy.

Last Wednesday was my yearly diagnostic mammogram appointment. I scheduled it for as early as possible, 8:45, and showed up even earlier, before 8:30. I was wearing my exercise clothes, thinking if I got in right away I’d be able to make my 9:30 Zumba class.

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What Shrinks Know (#19): The Gift of Extreme Gratitude

December 2, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know No Comments

gratitude

“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on,

I can’t go on, I’ll go on.”

~ Samuel Beckett

Though I’ve never read Samuel Beckett’s novel, The Unnamable, I recognize the above quote as describing a place I’ve been all too many times in my life. It is that place of loss or illness or tragedy where, despite the support of loving people, you feel totally alone. It is that place of darkness where screamed and whispered cries of “Why?” are met with deafening silence—because there are no answers. It is that place with no road map out. It is that place you feel is impossible to survive—and yet, you do.

It is in places such as these, where the seeds for extreme gratitude are sown.

Last week I wrote about the power of mindful gratitude—how a practice of intentionally seeking out experiences for which to be grateful can bring us peace in stressful times. In previous posts, I’ve written about the value of perspective. It is in looking back that we often see the gifts that our disappointments and losses eventually brought us—valuable experiences and relationships that we would not have had without going through the pain—and which we would never choose to give up.

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What Shrinks Know (#18): The Power of Mindful Gratitude

November 25, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 1 Comment

give thanks

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

William Arthur Ward

The week of Thanksgiving has arrived, ushering in the most stressful and emotionally complex season celebrated in the Western world. Already, my patient load has risen!

None of us reaches adulthood without carrying baggage from childhood. And disappointments and losses continue to accumulate over the years. It is inevitable—we cannot live and love in this world without experiencing pain. And although we would so love to be able to neatly compartmentalize the different seasons and stages of our lives, it is not possible. The truth is, no matter how circuitous our life’s path, our lives are lived on a continuum. Every joyful memory remains to be triggered by something in our present. And it is the same with every loss. Even wounds we think have healed nicely can be ripped open without warning during the holidays.

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Repost: Hope and Action

October 15, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 1 Comment

With October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I want to once again share my personal experience.  I am now a twelve-year survivor… for which I am grateful beyond words. It is my wish that my story bring comfort and HOPE to those who are struggling with their own diagnosis, or who love someone who is.

I didn’t realize what a daunting task it would be when I decided to write my very first blog in October on the topic of breast cancer.  The original idea came from a celebratory place—on Friday, September 28, I had my yearly diagnostic mammogram and was declared cancer free.  I am now a 10 year survivor—which puts me in the 82nd percentile of women who make it this long.

Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH
Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH

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The SIMPLE Quest for Simplicity

October 8, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Life as a Shrink, Revelations as a Writer 4 Comments

Senior CrossingYesterday I drove past a sign that said “Senior Crossing.” My second impulse was to take a “selfie” in front of it. But my first impulse was to riddle it with buckshot. Back in my Texas wild-west days, I would have pulled out my rifle and done just that. (Not that I ever drove around with a rifle. But I was damn good at the shooting range!) That bright yellow sign would make for excellent target practice.

God, I hate the term “senior.” I’ve learned to let it trip off my tongue when buying movie tickets, but find myself only able to ask for senior rates when booking hotel rooms online or over the phone. To ask in person feels like only calling attention to the obvious. It feels redundant seeing that most people behind counters are so young they would automatically assume I was ancient enough to qualify for senior rates.

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In Gratitude for Good Men

September 30, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Revelations as a Writer, Writing East of Mecca No Comments

Gratitude...........

Last week I wrote about the importance of women in my life—especially as supporters of my book, East of Mecca, and of me in my relatively new career as a writer. This week I want to acknowledge the critical role men have played in my life as a writer—and to express my gratitude.

It was a man who first suggested that my story be told as a movie, after hearing my experiences in Saudi Arabia. The idea appealed to me as a way of accomplishing my mission to enlighten a large audience about the appalling circumstances of women living within the Kingdom. I decided to tell the story in a way that would create a sense of empathy for those who live their lives hidden beneath veils and behind walls.

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The Power of Sisterhood

September 24, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 1 Comment

Sisterhood of Dirty Laundry

I am so grateful for the women in my life. On Facebook last week, I saw this post: “There is no better friend than a sister. And there is no better sister than you. Happy Sister’s Day.” I reposted, and since I don’t have biological sisters, I dedicated it to my “soul” sisters. At that point I was thinking of my closest friends, the women I consider to be the sisters I never had. Since that moment, I have given it much more thought—and I realize that I have more than a family of sisters. I have an army of sisters—a sisterhood.

Throughout my life, I’ve had strong female role models. Both my grandmothers were intelligent, hard workers. My mother was a bookkeeper, working to support her family and then herself until she was eighty. During my education and training to become a psychologist, my professors, mentors, and supporters were mostly female. And the same has been true in my relatively new career as a writer.

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What Shrinks Know (#17): The Importance of Survival Instincts

September 15, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 3 Comments

Struggle

“The instinct to survive is human nature itself,

and every aspect of our personalities derives from it.”

~Robert A. Heinlein

Because my last blog post was the hardest and most personal I’ve written, I had to step back and take some breathing room before following up. I’d struggled with opening up—being so vulnerable and disclosing. As a shrink, I walk a fine line. Over the years, I’ve selectively shared my stories with patients when they’ve felt relevant to healing. But I’m still new to sharing my most personal experiences with others, especially in a public forum.

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What Shrinks Know (#16): The Complexity of Suicide

August 27, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 3 Comments

Robin_Pagliacci

I attempted suicide when I was sixteen. Over the almost fifty years since, I have told very few people. I’ve only shared when the importance of disclosure felt greater than my desire for privacy. I have shared with others who have survived suicide attempts. I’ve also shared with those in danger of succumbing to their suicidal urges—when the sharing of my personal experience would have more impact than my professional experience—when it might save a life.

Suicide is not a conversation-friendly topic. Like most provocative subjects, it makes people uncomfortable and can generate rigid opinions. But, there has never been a greater need for education on the complexities of suicide. One thing shrinks know for sure about suicide is that it is contagious. Hotlines and ERs have been on high alert since Robin Williams committed suicide. If someone who has so much going on for him cannot go on living, why should I? Maybe opening the discussion is Robin’s last gift to us—not through laughter, but through tears.

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Unputdownable

"This book is "unputdownable". It starkly illuminates what life is like for women in Saudi Arabia and is extremely well told by Sheila Flaherty. Just a great read. I couldn't help but be grateful to be living in the U.S. when I closed the book."

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What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#6) Managing Fear

“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” ~Samuel Beckett Anyone who’s not scared right now is either an innocent child, an adult in denial, or someone unclear on the concept of a pandemic. As shrinks say, “Fear is appropriate affect for what we’re going through.” […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#5) Protecting Our Sleep is Critical

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” ~William C. Dement If you ask people how they’re doing these days, the most common answer is, “I’m tired.” Reality has set in—this quarantine isn’t temporary. We’re realizing it will likely be months before we’re in […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#4) Strive for Balance

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” ~ Robert Fulgham Unlike yesterday, when I had to jump out of bed to make the healthy choice of joining an online Zumba class, today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#3) The Importance of Self-Compassion

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~ Pema Chodron Today’s post will be short. I’m grateful to have seven sessions scheduled back to back today from noon to seven. Thanks to all who’ve commented and sent suggestions. I hope to make personal replies to each tonight after work. Today, I […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#2)

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards Thanks to all of you who read yesterday’s […]

What this Shrink is Learning: How to Survive a Pandemic (#1)

“Times are difficult globally; awakening is no longer a luxury or an ideal…It’s becoming essential that we learn how to relate sanely with difficult times. The earth seems to be beseeching us to connect with joy and discover our innermost essence. This is the best way we can benefit others.” ~Pema Chodron  Like everyone I […]

A Story About a Coat

I bought “Big Guy” the day my hair froze the first winter I lived in Chicago. Big Guy is a calf-length, black, down, Eddie Bauer coat. It zips up the front, has a hood that draws tightly around my face, and is good for weather down to -40°. Big Guy is thirty-seven years old this […]

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