Finding Family

December 17, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Family Secrets 6 Comments

family_reunion

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton,

you may as well make it dance.”

~ George Bernard Shaw

Really, George? The skeleton? Just one? Most families I know have many more than one skeleton in the closet. Tis the season when shrinks’ couches are filled with people stressing over their families. In my family, the skeletons could form their own dance troupe.

I’ve written about the skeletons on my mom’s side of the family (Am I Blue?) and within my own immediate family of origin (Word Salad). My family is so dysfunctional that I could write about it for years. But, today, I am writing about finding the joy in family.

Last month, there was a reunion in Granada Hills, California at the home of my Uncle Dick, my last remaining uncle on my daddy’s side. Daddy was the oldest of three boys, and he died young, at fifty-eight. Uncle Earl, the youngest, died in his seventies. Uncle Dick, the middle brother, is ninety-five.

Uncle Dick and Aunt Betty, who died in 2006, had two sons, Brad and Larry. I never knew my cousins. My baby brother Joe and I grew up in the South and Texas. They grew up in California. As kids, Joe and I had little contact with any extended family. Everyone lived in different states. Brief visits occurred only as we moved locations or took road-trip vacations in our Studebaker station wagon. We never made it to California.

Repost: Hope and Action

October 9, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 1 Comment

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and I want to share my personal experiences—yet again. Last year at this time, I was a twelve-year survivor. Those who know me or follow my posts are aware that I had a reoccurrence this past January. Once again, it was found through my yearly mammogram and caught in the very earliest stages. Once again, I am profoundly grateful. While there is an abundance of confusing and conflicting information out there, one thing hold true—early detection saves lives. My mission, in continuing to share my story, is to inspire readers to take action on their own behalves, as well as to bring comfort and HOPE to those who are struggling with their own diagnosis—or love someone who is.

I didn’t realize what a daunting task it would be when I decided to write my very first blog in October on the topic of breast cancer. The original idea came from a celebratory place—on Friday, September 28, I had my yearly diagnostic mammogram and was declared cancer free. I am now a 10 year survivor—which puts me in the 82nd percentile of women who make it this long.

Evanston Northwestern Hospital Breast Cancer Treatment Advertisement. Photo & Advertisement © 2003, ENH

What Shrinks Know (#20): It is Never too Late to Learn More About Yourself

August 31, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 14 Comments

“The problem with introspection is that is has no end.”

~ Philip K. Dick

It is late August and there is a chill in the air. The temperature is 73 degrees, but the breeze I feel on my porch makes it seem like early fall. Makes me want to pull on soft, worn jeans and a roomy turtleneck sweater.

The chill is coming way too early. Normally this time of summer, I start to weary of the heat. The grass is usually parched and my herbs and impatiens wilted from too much sun. The constant din of cicadas makes me feel like I have tinnitus. This year, June was cold and wet and summer weather didn’t launch until July. And even though July was the hottest on record, our indecisive August makes me feel gypped.

Repost: What Shrinks Know (#16): The Complexity of Suicide

August 12, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, What Shrinks Know 1 Comment

A year has passed since the death of Robin Williams sent the world into mourning. I received so many moving and grateful responses to the very personal post I wrote in reaction to his suicide, that I am reposting it now. Please share if you know anyone whose life has been touched by suicide. Together we might ease the pain of a “survivor”… or even save a life.

I attempted suicide when I was sixteen. Over the almost fifty years since, I have told very few people. I’ve only shared when the importance of disclosure felt greater than my desire for privacy. I have shared with others who have survived suicide attempts. I’ve also shared with those in danger of succumbing to their suicidal urges—when the sharing of my personal experience would have more impact than my professional experience—when it might save a life.
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What Writers Know: It is a Fine Line Between Truth and Fiction

July 29, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Revelations as a Writer, Writing East of Mecca No Comments

“Hello darkness, my old friend.

I’ve come to talk with you again.”

~ Paul Simon

For the past few months I have been working on a second edition of East of Mecca. It will include reviews from Amazon and Goodreads and discussion questions for book clubs. Also included is a “second edition afterword” where I address the question I have been most asked since the original publication in 2013, “Haven’t things improved for Saudi women since you lived there in the late 1980’s?”

The simple and tragic answer is, “No.” Circumstances have worsened for Saudi women—and for Muslim women and girls worldwide. Because of culturally-sanctioned honor violence and radical Islamic terrorist groups, gender apartheid against women has reached epic proportions.

The Second Sunday

May 10, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 4 Comments

Sheila and Mom

Today is Mother’s Day, and, as much as I enjoy being celebrated for being a mom, the day is bittersweet for me—as it is for most of us who have lost our moms. The loss of your mother brings both a unique and universal sorrow.

When I was a little girl, there was a tradition on Mother’s Day. At church, carnations were available for all the women. Those whose mothers were still alive got a red carnation, and those whose moms had died got a white one. As a child, I never thought about how that would feel—to get a white carnation. I could not have imagined.

At This Moment

March 22, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts, Friends, Photographs and Original Art 3 Comments

isla_mujeres

If we own the story

then we can write the ending.

~Brené Brown

I am sitting in a circle of a hundred women, all wearing white. We pass a small woven basket containing a microphone into which we each speak in turn. We have been asked to share our experiences of the previous three days using the prompts, “At this moment…” followed by, “Moving forward…”

It was 6:00 p.m. Isla Mujeres, Mexico time, on Sunday, March 8, 2015— International Women’s Day. It was the closing ceremony for the We Move Forward women’s conference held that weekend at the MIA Reef Hotel.

Moving around the circle, “I feel blessed” and “I am grateful” were the phrases spoken most often. Insights were shared and commitments made to move forward with the intention of creating our best possible lives. There were tears and laughter, touches and hugs—as there had been the entire three days.

Cancer Redux

February 24, 2015 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

Time has been lost to me for a while. It has been over two months since my last blog post on December 8, 2014. It’s been a busy two months, and reading back through my journal, I catch glimpses of much that has transpired.

…a heavy work schedule, lunches, dinners, and movies with friends, dates with my husband, Zumba, working on Orchard Road and adapting East of Mecca back into a screenplay, signing up for an international women’s conference in Mexico the first weekend in March, buying, decorating, and taking down the Christmas Tree, holiday parties, a weekend visit from my oldest son, Christmas with my youngest and his wife, Winter Solstice, a quiet New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day resolutions, snow angels, a vortex, and a blizzard, the deaths of an aunt, Joe Cocker and Rod McKuen, the closely watched pregnancy of a dear woman, wonderful reviews of East of Mecca…

Moving Forward

By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 6 Comments

This is the second part of a two-part posting. You can find the first post titled “Cancer Redux” here.

*****

This past Thursday was the coldest day of winter and the Kellogg Cancer Center parking lot was completely full. I waited ten minutes then gave my car to the valet. Inside, the waiting room was crowded. I stopped just inside the entrance and looked around.

There is something uniquely nondiscriminatory about the waiting room of a cancer center. Every age, gender, ethnicity, and religion is represented. People are waiting for treatments, are in-between treatments, or are waiting for people who are having treatments. Mostly, it’s easy to tell who’s who. As I looked around the room, eyes met mine. There’s an assessment going on. Are you one of us?

Suspended

December 8, 2014 By Sheila Flaherty in Blog Posts 8 Comments

A huge part of how I define myself is survivor. I’ve survived a lot in my life, but the thing most present in my mind when I say “survivor” is breast cancer. Up until last Wednesday, December 3, I was calling myself a twelve-year survivor. Now I don’t know. Now I’m just pending. Now I’m suspended like the tiny pieces of my flesh gathered for the biopsy.

Last Wednesday was my yearly diagnostic mammogram appointment. I scheduled it for as early as possible, 8:45, and showed up even earlier, before 8:30. I was wearing my exercise clothes, thinking if I got in right away I’d be able to make my 9:30 Zumba class.