Blog Posts

“The problem with introspection is that is has no end.”

~ Philip K. Dick

It is late August and there is a chill in the air. The temperature is 73 degrees, but the breeze I feel on my porch makes it seem like early fall. Makes me want to pull on soft, worn jeans and a roomy turtleneck sweater.

The chill is coming way too early. Normally this time of summer, I start to weary of the heat. The grass is usually parched and my herbs and impatiens wilted from too much sun. The constant din of cicadas makes me feel like I have tinnitus. This year, June was cold and wet and summer weather didn’t launch until July. And even though July was the hottest on record, our indecisive August makes me feel gypped.

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A year has passed since the death of Robin Williams sent the world into mourning. I received so many moving and grateful responses to the very personal post I wrote in reaction to his suicide, that I am reposting it now. Please share if you know anyone whose life has been touched by suicide. Together we might ease the pain of a “survivor”… or even save a life.

I attempted suicide when I was sixteen. Over the almost fifty years since, I have told very few people. I’ve only shared when the importance of disclosure felt greater than my desire for privacy. I have shared with others who have survived suicide attempts. I’ve also shared with those in danger of succumbing to their suicidal urges—when the sharing of my personal experience would have more impact than my professional experience—when it might save a life.
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“In the silence you don’t know, you must go on,

I can’t go on, I’ll go on.”

~ Samuel Beckett

Though I’ve never read Samuel Beckett’s novel, The Unnamable, I recognize the above quote as describing a place I’ve been all too many times in my life. It is that place of loss or illness or tragedy where, despite the support of loving people, you feel totally alone. It is that place of darkness where screamed and whispered cries of “Why?” are met with deafening silence—because there are no answers. It is that place with no road map out. It is that place you feel is impossible to survive—and yet, you do.

It is in places such as these, where the seeds for extreme gratitude are sown.

Last week I wrote about the power of mindful gratitude—how a practice of intentionally seeking out experiences for which to be grateful can bring us peace in stressful times. In previous posts, I’ve written about the value of perspective. It is in looking back that we often see the gifts that our disappointments and losses eventually brought us—valuable experiences and relationships that we would not have had without going through the pain—and which we would never choose to give up.

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“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

William Arthur Ward

The week of Thanksgiving has arrived, ushering in the most stressful and emotionally complex season celebrated in the Western world. Already, my patient load has risen!

None of us reaches adulthood without carrying baggage from childhood. And disappointments and losses continue to accumulate over the years. It is inevitable—we cannot live and love in this world without experiencing pain. And although we would so love to be able to neatly compartmentalize the different seasons and stages of our lives, it is not possible. The truth is, no matter how circuitous our life’s path, our lives are lived on a continuum. Every joyful memory remains to be triggered by something in our present. And it is the same with every loss. Even wounds we think have healed nicely can be ripped open without warning during the holidays.

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